Yesterday at 4am I began my journey to The Golden Door Health Retreat in Elysia, two hours out of Sydney. The items on the prohibited list include nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, chocolate and recreational drugs. This is not a health retreat this is a nightmare. I named my week away rehab. As this blog is called capital vices this week of posts may be a complete oxymoron as I am unlikely to commit any type of sin.
Today was the official first day, so I will take you through the program. 5am rise (this is the hour I usually enter/pass out in my bed let alone get out of it) to do a freezing session of Tai Chi. This is followed by an hour walk. I have to admit the 20 hours of no smoking at this stage already enabled me to breath a lot easier. I managed to walk up a steep hill without wheezing and coughing my lungs up. Finally food- a lovely arrangement of fruit, muesli and tea. The most exciting thing was fresh raspberries! I have never been excited by a piece of fruit in my life. The amount of tea you drink on this retreat is beyond ridiculous. However, it is the only item apart from water that you are allowed in excess so it becomes your new replacement vice (Note: this is an extremely healthy, caffeine free tea- no sins here).
Next, a stretch class and a lecture about detoxification so we all know why our heads feel like they are going to explode, why we keep falling asleep and being extremely agitated. Now the real exercise begins with an hour long boxing class followed by yoga, your body has no idea what is going on as it rarely climbed stairs let alone did some type of exercise. Lunch follows- some type of pumpkin fritters and salad. Oh and tea of course. All I really want is a ridiculous amount of process carbohydrates. Finally, a free weight session followed by some enjoyment, a facial. I have never had one before and this was amazing I managed to fall asleep during the session, but fortunately I didn’t snore. Thankfully, dinner was a substantial size, although all extremely healthy and of course more tea was consumed.
Results of day 1:
- Lust: 0
- Gluttony: 0
- Greed: 0
- Sloth: 1 (I fell asleep during the facial and the lecture, I have always been a bad student)
- Wrath: 0
- Envy: 10 (of everyone drinking, smoking and eating)
- Pride: 0

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