HELL IS OVER

The health retreat is finally over. I am now allowed the beautiful vices known as alcohol, cigarettes and real food (steamed vegetables, boiled egg and fruit is not real food). I thought I was going to look back after the health retreat and be like 'Yeh I really enjoyed that,' but no. I hated it. This is not just me being a sook either- I happily gave up my vices without complaining (much). However, I was really unwell the entire week. I refuse to spend thousands of dollars to sit in my room feeling like I wanted to project vomit and aching everywhere. The health retreat is definitely designed for people who are already generally healthy and want to get away, do some exercise and regenerate. Not for people like me who are probably more suited to going to rehab. The retreat itself is gorgeous. The views as you'll see below are magnificent, especially from 'meditation hill'. The rooms are really quite decadent- I had a king size bed and entire bathroom (the bath and the shower were separate not like those god awful shower baths that should be illegal- they are dangerous!!!!!! your standing in a bath!!!!) to myself. The personal trainers are excellent, they really know what they are doing and can cater to your needs very specifically. The spa treatments are also great (probably my favourite part of the retreat). Food on the other hand, I ate so much unflavoursome rabbit food that I am now a self-confessed junk food binger. THIS MORNING I SPENT $22 ON MACCAS BREAKFAST. I didn't even know you could spend this much as maccas. But if you like cardboard with copious amount of pepper dukkah and chilli (the only flavours you are allowed to pile on top of your 'meal') this place is for you.

Anyway I am alive and I managed to go cold turkey on cigarettes (and alcohol and caffeine) for a week so thankyou Golden Door. I will leave you with some photos so you can recognise hell.

This tastes a lot worse than it looks.

HELL DAY 2

Today, fingers crossed, was the hardest day of the retreat. Every inch of my body hurts and this is no exaggeration. I swear my fingertips are crying out in pain as I type this. I am also a bit of an emotional mess, however, according to one of the program managers this is expected on Teary Tuesday. Today is the day that your body finally feels the pain of years of abuse from cigarettes, alcohol and caffeine. It’s warning you not to do it again or you will be in trouble. 

I have to admit some highlights of my day were my personal training session and my massage. The PT session was pure torture, but the trainer new exactly what exercises I needed to do and wrote up a program so I could continue exercising when I get back home- to prevent me from turning back into a fat slob. As a result of this hellish workout I was rewarded with a massage from Qi-Gong master Juan. Juan is amazing. He manages to find all your pressure points/sore bits without you saying anything. I left feeling a million dollars, but this didn’t last long. I think he coaxed the remaining toxins out of my body, leaving me with a head/neckache that could kill armies. Hence, I slept for the remainder of the day. Yes I was a sloth but I think I deserved it!!! 

Dinner was wholewheat pasta. YES I GOT PASTA. I didn’t really give a shit that it was brown and tasted nothing like its processed relative- IT WAS CARBOHYDRATES. The chef definitely knew I was in pain so served up some good old comfort food. (Watch out this is what these retreats do to you- you start loving brown pasta!)

Results from day 2:

Sloth- 100

ps. I promise I will post some photos soon!

GOLDEN DOOR HEALTH RETREAT

Yesterday at 4am I began my journey to The Golden Door Health Retreat in Elysia, two hours out of Sydney. The items on the prohibited list include nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, chocolate and recreational drugs. This is not a health retreat this is a nightmare. I named my week away rehab. As this blog is called capital vices this week of posts may be a complete oxymoron as I am unlikely to commit any type of sin.

Today was the official first day, so I will take you through the program. 5am rise (this is the hour I usually enter/pass out in my bed let alone get out of it) to do a freezing session of Tai Chi. This is followed by an hour walk. I have to admit the 20 hours of no smoking at this stage already enabled me to breath a lot easier. I managed to walk up a steep hill without wheezing and coughing my lungs up. Finally food- a lovely arrangement of fruit, muesli and tea. The most exciting thing was fresh raspberries! I have never been excited by a piece of fruit in my life. The amount of tea you drink on this retreat is beyond ridiculous. However, it is the only item apart from water that you are allowed in excess so it becomes your new replacement vice (Note: this is an extremely healthy, caffeine free tea- no sins here).

 Next, a stretch class and a lecture about detoxification so we all know why our heads feel like they are going to explode, why we keep falling asleep and being extremely agitated. Now the real exercise begins with an hour long boxing class followed by yoga, your body has no idea what is going on as it rarely climbed stairs let alone did some type of exercise. Lunch follows- some type of pumpkin fritters and salad. Oh and tea of course. All I really want is a ridiculous amount of process carbohydrates. Finally, a free weight session followed by some enjoyment, a facial. I have never had one before and this was amazing I managed to fall asleep during the session, but fortunately I didn’t snore. Thankfully, dinner was a substantial size, although all extremely healthy and of course more tea was consumed. 

Results of day 1:
 - Lust: 0
 - Gluttony: 0
 - Greed: 0
 - Sloth: 1 (I fell asleep during the facial and the lecture, I have always been a bad student)
 - Wrath: 0
 - Envy: 10 (of everyone drinking, smoking and eating)
 - Pride: 0

BRAND ON A TAG

My lovely friends at Brand On A Tag are holding a fashion parade this Saturday (April 21st) at the Lady Daly Hotel. It starts at 8pm, free entry and their items are also available for purchase. Come along as you get to see yours truly be an absolutely horrendous model, however, the clothes are rather amazing. Furthermore, there is live music by Lowana Scmucker and plenty of beverages (ofcourse).

Lady Daly Hotel: 126 Port Road Hindmarsh

SKYE NORMAN

Caramel-tobacco-smoking-slow-beer-drinking Skye Norman. She likes to go bra-less. Yes bra-less, like a stereotypical feminist. She is also completing the 30 day bra-less challenge, which I will definitely take photographic evidence of along the way. As a large breasted women I envy the ability to go into public without a bra and my nipples not drag along the floor. Hence, I had to ask this blessed woman about her preference to not wear bras.

CV: Today Skye is not wearing a bra. How do you feel about this?
Skye: I feel very liberated. I just feel like too often we wear bras for the wrong reasons and it’s to make our breasts look good, so I decided not to wear a bra because I hate straps, I hate undie lines and I don’t mind nipples.

CV: What do you think men will think about this?
S: What the nipples? The outfits I have been wearing haven’t been breast orientated so I don’t think I need to emphasise my breasts in anyway and I would rather show nipple than show bra straps.

CV: Would you consider yourself a feminist?
S: Certainly not. Men can do everything for me. They can open my car doors.

CV: If you could never wear a bra would you?
S: Hell yes. Hell yes.

CV: And how did you lose your virginity (because this is always a good story)
S: Well. I was 17 and it was on a beach and I was drunk off red wine and it was with an Austrian man who is now shorter than me.

This is also a sexy photo of Skye

ENVY - ERIKO NAKAO

Eriko Nakao is one of my favourite fashion bloggers. She is a model from Tokyo and her blog sugarguerrilla.blogspot.com.au is a collaboration with photographer Takashi Yoshida and hair stylist Rie Shiraishi. The internet is crammed with billions of blogs- especially those concerning fashion, but this one does it oh so right. Eriko Nakao has amazing tattoos, fashion and hair styles. The sort of stuff you love to admire but know that you would never step out of the house wearing.

Here is an interview she did with fashion/culture/photography website Satellite Voices

Satellite Voices: Can you introduce your blog?
Eriko Nakao: It all started off from out of the whim. Takashi and I were just talking and thought would be interesting to shoot “100 Nakao” So we started to shoot on blank white background regularly. When we reach 100, it started to take form. Then when we showed some pictures to our friends’ store Sister and they asked us to do visuals for them.

SV: What is the concept of your blog?
Eriko Nakao: There is no concept and I don’t think there will ever be a concept. But it is important for me to spend an awesome time with everyone. Before the shoot, I always think what can we eat today? Nice food and good alcohol are necessities for our shoots. I think the basis of this blog is to have a fun shoot with my closest friends. It is like my memory album. It is always easier if we can do whatever we want to do.

SV: Why did you team up with Takashi Yoshida and Rie Shiraishi?
Eriko Nakao: Takashi is a husband of my best friend and we have known each other for a long time. Then we asked Rie to do hair as I believe in her style and of course we are good friends. I really can trust them and feel comfortable being around them.

SV: Where does your inspiration come from?
Eriko Nakao: It comes out from my inner side. Well, I think everyone else does too. I really value the zone of unconscious.

SV: Please describe your style.
Eriko Nakao: I have a "fashion" tattoo on my middle finger and "style" on the side of my head.

SV: What is your favourite fashion label?
Eriko Nakao: Chrome Hearts! They are my other precious family.

SV: We heard you love music. What's your top five?
Eriko Nakao: I can't really narrow it down to just five but this is what I've been listening too recently:
"The Replacement" by Alex Chilton, "World Turning" by Fleetwood Mac, "Helpless" by Neil Young & The Band (I especially like this collaboration), "Walking in Memphis" by Cher and "Something Happened On The Way To Heaven" by Phill Collins.

SV: Could you tell us about one of your favourite shoots?
Eriko Nakao: Everything is unforgettable but my most memorable experience is the shoot with Tomohiro Muramatsu. He drew on my naked body. One by one. And the time consuming shoots, like my American flag hair one. Rie had to wash my hair billion times.

SV: What's next?
Eriko Nakao: I never thought that my blog would get this much of attention as it just started off as fun. But I am so glad that we are getting international viewers as well. As I told you before, we are so open minded and do whatever we want. So I would love to keep on doing this in my own pace. I want to do a shoot with Tomo again! There are so many other people I would love to shoot and would love to spend lovely time with them. Thank you all!

Photography by Takashi Yoshida
Stylist and model Eriko Nakao
Hair by Rie Shiraishi

And of course a few photos:

CAPITAL VICES

Capital Vices: aka deadly sins.
aka
* lust
* gluttony
* greed
* sloth
* wrath
* envy
* pride

I am definitely a repeat sinner, but then again who isn't.

On a slightly related yet completely unrelated note I think one of the best movies is Seven, with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. Watch it.